I wish I could take credit for that title – I like it. It was Tyranist’s little contribution to my Magnetic Poetry in American Fork. Ironic that it looks like I actually found a “good” use for it.

After that last group of people, we finally had to block off the elevator and fire stair doors. I can’t tell you how sick it is to have people beating on the doors and screaming to get in. I’ve had a few really gut-wrenching experiences, but I don’t think that I’ve felt quite like this since I left for college… and Kris was crying in the driveway. Yeah, that bad.

The power has flickered off and on a few times. The last time it flicked off, it was down for about ten minutes. UPSes on the machines here have been whining. That hasn’t done anything to help anyone’s mood. And I don’t see things getting any better.

A couple of the tech writers said that they heard someone talking about watching a man out in the parking lot get beat to shit and just torn apart. I’m glad I didn’t see that.

::: EDIT :::

The power went out. Again. I recovered as much of the above as I could remember.

The screaming stopped. I wish I could say that makes me feel better. It doesn’t. There are still sounds out there, like people beating on the doors.

I wish I could get lines from Ashes to Ashes to stop playing in my head:

I never done good things
I never done bad things
I never did anything out of the blue, woh-o-oh
Want an axe to break the ice
Wanna come down right now

I just want to go home.

The worst part is: I’m actually scared that I’m not going to see it again.

There are so many things I wanted to see and do. Plans I’d made. Dreams. Whatever. I don’t know. I’m… sad…scared… mad… and about nine-hundred other things… that I’m not going to get to do any of them. Dammit.

There are a lot of things I wanted to say to FAR too many people:

  • I love you.
  • I’m sorry.
  • I’m glad I got to know you.
  • I would have liked to gotten to know you better.
  • I really couldn’t stand you.
  • Thanks for being there when the chips were down.

Dammit. Too many. They’re all running together in my head.

Let me just say this, in case the power goes out again or… or… wow, I can’t even type it. In case we don’t wind up getting out of here. You can’t imagine how hard that was to type. My fingers are still shaking. Anyway…

Hi. I tried to be a good person. I tried to be a good son, brother and friend. I like to think that sometimes I actually managed to get it right. I’m sorry that it’s come down to this. I’m sorry that I didn’t get to see you all again. Dammit. Fingers shaking again. Be happy. Be well.