Today wasn’t bad, but there was a cloud over it… and, oddly enough, I consider that a “good” thing.

During the course of today’s work conversation, we stumbled onto the topic of some of the things (ass-backwards and otherwise) that members management, including supervisors, do. I was also asked if it was hard for me, as a supervisor, to do my job with some of the stipulations/restrictions/general horseshit put upon us by the senior managers. I was also asked how difficult it was difficult to do things “in good conscience” when we are given certain tasks by our superiors that we wouldn’t necessarily undertake. And, given the previous questions, did I think that it was worthwhile to remain a 204-B? These questions – and their answers – bugged me for about four hours.

I will be the first to admit: We have to put up with a number of things that range from “normal” to “inane” to “full-blown, batshit crazy.” You can look at my rants about the radios, scheduling problems and the whole “who’s the manager now” issues for examples. But, this is endemic to any job – any given person can find SOMETHING (or a number of somethings) within the organization for whom they work. I just tend to be a tad more vocal about mine.

Is it difficult to act in good conscience sometimes? Yes. There have been times that I have been called to do things that I would not have done had I been given the option. I can think of a specific instance that occurred recently – it was one of the days that I had to be “the bad guy.” I also think that due to the circumstances, this could come back to bite management in the ass. In fact, part of me hopes that it does. I think that it was a situation that could have been avoided if one of two things had happened:

    1. Someone had made a decision about the potential problem during the hiring process.
    2. Someone had consulted another office for advice on how to handle the situation after the person had been hired.

What actually happened? Everyone stuck their heads in the sand… and the problem continued to grow. It grew until, in a sudden moment of clarity, someone decided: “We need to do something about this.” Great. Isn’t it a little late to be wondering where to spray the water after the house has burned down? Yep. Thought so. And what was I left with? I got to be the face that bore the grim tidings from Olympus. *Yay* I wonder if the winged sandals the Mercury wore were not just for flight but also to get him the Hell out of the line of fire after he passed on a particularly distasteful message from Zeus. And what if it does come back to bite us… and more specifically ME? I was executing a task according to the instructions that were given to me by my immediate supervisor. Was it my duty to execute those orders? Yes. Did that make me happy? No.

Do I think that it’s worthwhile to be a 204-B (or possibly a full-time supervisor, should the opportunity arise)? Yes. I may be deluding myself, but I like to think that I am not only doing a good job but that I am also doing right by my employees. If they are doing a good job, I make sure that I let them know. That’s part of my job. If they’re not toeing the line, I tell them. That’s part of my job, too. I try to make those talks “learning moments” and put as much positive reinforcement as possible into them. That’s part of my job, too. In a nutshell: My job is to not only make sure that the DCOs under my supervision are doing their jobs, but also to make sure that they are being as effective as possible at doing that job. That’s what I am held accountable for. And as long as know that I am doing my job to the best of my abilities I can say that it’s worthwhile.

*WHEW*

As I said earlier, these Qs & As nagged at me for quite some time today. A lot of people assumed that I was upset during that time because I was… “less than social.” I wasn’t mad; I was trying to think outside of the box. I could have just spouted off an answer, but to me the questions were worth giving serious consideration. They deserved more attention than a simple “Sure. Yeah. You betcha.” They were ones that I felt deserved a rather in-depth look at my reasons for dealing with everything that comes along with the job title.

And THAT was not easy.

It’s easy to talk about how asinine certain things are. Anyone can do that. It’s not always so easy to look at the reasons that drive you to stay in a position that keeps you face-to-face with those things. We’ve had many people who have dropped from the 204-B program because they didn’t feel that it was worth it. Some have returned; some have not.

There are times when it feels like I am beating my head against a wall. There are times when I feel that the cons outweigh the pros. But for now it feels right. And it feels like I am doing good things. I think I’ll stick with it.

And that’s my 2¢ worth for tonight.

Peace.