Friday – 05 June 2020
I have been of ill humor most of the day, in fact. Despite this foul mood, I still want to find a way to bring a lesson and some light out of this darkness.
Most weekday mornings, I listen to a local radio station’s morning program. This morning was no exception. The station also has a “listen live” option, as well as studio cameras, so you can watch the on-air personalities. And the morning program even has its own chat room. I often listen to/watch the live stream and interact the people in the chat room. Over the course of the past two or three years, it’s become something like a mini-Cheers.
This morning, like so many others, started the stream and joined the chat. Things proceeded as they usually do: The radio hosts hosted, people in the chat room commented on whatever topic came up or struck off on their on tangents. I was working, so I was distracted from the chat, but tried to follow along with the radio program. Some indeterminate amount of time later, I came back to look at the chat…
…just in time to catch a semi-regular chatter make the following statement:
Bi-racial children are so cute. Like little oreos.
It took a few seconds for my brain to fully comprehend what my eyes had just seen, but when it did, it sent an urgent message to my fingers to be relayed to the others in the chat room:
As a parent – let alone the parent of a couple of bi-racial children: What The Fuck!?
I can’t tell you how absolutely delighted it made me to see others in the room express much the same sentiment.
I also realized that I was mentally “done” at that point – my threshold for ignorance and the stupid things that humans do is threadbare these days. I bade goodbye to everyone, wished them a good weekend, and left the chat. I tuned into an audio-only stream and listened to the rest of the show that way.
A short while later, I pinged a friend (who had remained in the chat) to ask them to forward me some information they’d previously mentioned (link). At the same time, they informed me that the person tried to walk back their comment by saying:
Oh.. shit. Sorry.
I did not mean that to be bad!
…and…
That wasn’t meant to be mean. I apologize.
…and, when asked: “What was it meant to be, insensitive?”
No, I just love oreos. I feel super bad now. I sometimes just shove my foot in my mouth.
I realize that Utah isn’t the most diverse state in the Union, but damn. As my father would say: “That doesn’t even make good crazy people sense…”
Let’s look at a couple of things:
- Utah’s population, as of July 2019, was 3,205,958 people.
- The demographics break down as follows:
- At 1% of the total population, that puts Utah’s Black population at just over 32,000 people. In the ENTIRE STATE.
That doesn’t exactly say much “cultural diversity or sensitivity.” But, it HAS to start somewhere. I truly appreciate that so many people were quick to take this person to task and point out that it was insensitive at best, but was also definitely racist.
Yes, this was a “foot in my mouth” moment, but it could have quickly and easily become a “boot-to-ass” moment had this occurred in a public situation, around someone prone to violence and for whom this was the catalyst they needed to “prove a point.”
But I digress.
Why was I so off-put by a “simple comment?”
First off: My children are a couple of intelligent, beautiful, creative, thoughtful, expressive, and dynamic human beings. Period. Full stop. What they most definitely are NOT are things to be dismissively objectified.
Next: Why do you find the need to qualify children as “bi-racial” to call them cute? Does their special genetic makeup cause them to stand out above other children? I will be the first to admit that I’m biased about how cute my kids are, but to hear someone call them – or any other child of mixed race – “cute” just because of a quirk of their heritage is asinine. It is also patronizing and subtyping.
And WHAT in all the Heavens and Hells does “…like little oreos” even mean? Because, given the inherent lack of diversity around here, I’m pretty sure that we’re not talking about the generally-accepted slang usage of “oreo” here. And if that IS the case? We need to have an entirely different conversation.
Finally, if anything wrote in those last three paragraphs bothers you or makes you uncomfortable…? Perhaps it’s time to take a look at the way you perceive the people around you who don’t necessarily fit into the pigeonholes you expect. If you want to discuss things and learn more? Let’s do it. I’m willing to put in the work to help bring about understanding and empathy.
Alternately, if you see nothing wrong with them, then I think it’s time we part ways. As I’ve said before: I’m tired. And I have neither the time nor energy to carry dead weight.
