Random Access

Wednesday – 22 April 2015
Today is Earth Day.

It is also No Bad News Thursday Eve.

But, possibly the most important news of the day is that my coworker, Brad, and I have come up with what could possibly be the best movie concept in the history of concepts that became movies.

We were deciding where to have lunch, when we settled on Five Guys. Then we started mutilating the name in Spanish: Cinco Hombres…

…which then became Cinco Muertes, “Five Deaths,”¹ to our amusement.

At that point, Brad suggested that the Wu Tang Clan should portray the Five Deaths. This was, in my opinion, a great idea. But, I took it one step further:

 Cinco Muertes Silenciosas: The Five Silent Deaths.

In the tradition of only the best kung-fu movies, The Five Silent Deaths set out to avenge the untimely death of their master from a rival clan… each of them taking a vow of silence until their rivals had been destroyed. Brad questioned how well this would work, as it seemed to be counterintuitive to have Wu Tang Clan unable to rap. This was a good point. I posited that they would only communicate by beat-boxing. (There could even be a cameo from Slick Rick and Doug E. Fresh. Or even The Fat Boys.)

We let it go for a while and continued our drive to Five Guys.

Over lunch, we were talking about Nic Cage, King of the B Movies. It wasn’t long until our conversation turned towards The Rock – the best Michael Bay movie not to star Will Smith and not The Actor Also Known as Dwayne Johnson. For some reason, I then came to the conclusion that Nic Cage needed to star in a movie with Christopher Lloyd… and just let the crazy happen. Brad thought about this for a few moments and then noted that Crispin Glover should be added to the cast, along with Christopher Walken. I asked why not include Christian Bale, for some added intensity. Brad didn’t disagree.

Then, came the revelation: These five actors should be The Five Silent Deaths and that Wu Tang Clan could provide the soundtrack.

Somebody get me an agent, I have a movie to make.

¹ – Apologies for any horrible bastardization of the Spanish language in this post. I took Latin in high school, so Spanish isn’t exactly my strong suit.