Tuesday – 08 January 2008
This post is brought to you by The Council for Better Driving.
(…and The Society for Keeping Me from Snapping My Foot Off in a Monkey’s Ass)

Turn signals.

I believe that all cars are equipped with them. As a standard feature, no less. When properly used, they indicate a driver’s desire to either initiate a lane change or to make a turn. Note that I said “desire,” and not something like “God-given right.” There is a reason for that. To illustrate this reason, I’ll give an example:

This morning, while commuting from the SLC office to the AF office, I was traveling along I-215 (westbound), heading for the I-15 interchange. Just before the 15/215 interchange, there is an on-ramp from 280 East that merges into 215 westbound. And here, we arrive at the crux of the matter.

I was less than a mile from the I-15 exit, preparing to merge one lane to the right and turn onto I-15. A silver car – oddly, I remember the license plate moreso than the make/model of the car – came down the 280 East on-ramp. The car arrived at the merging area just behind me – just off my left rear bumper.

I continued to drive normally.

The driver sped up until it we were roughly eye-to-eye… and then she looked at me, as if to say, “Well…?! Are you going to let me over?!”

It was at this point, I noticed that her turn signal was on.

I continued driving. Again, the turn signal indicates “desire” – or even intent – to initiate a change, not a mandate to get out of the merging/turning car’s way. In fact, let’s look at the Utah Traffic Code on this matter:

Rather than slowing to merge in behind me – for which there was more than ample room – the driver sped up and passed me. In and of itself, I would have been alright with this. More or less. The irritating thing was: The entire time that she spent speeding up, passing me and merging two lanes to the left, she was staring me down in her rear-view mirror, as if to say, “You ass… You should have let me over before!” *sigh* Some people’s children.

Therefore, It’s time for a new rule:

Rule #3: Use your turn signals.
Please remember: Using your turn signals does not bestow upon you carte blanche or noblesse oblige driving privileges.

Let’s also take this opportunity to review Rules #1 and #2, as well:

Rule #1: Don’t be a rude or discourteous driver.
(This has been amended from the previous “Don’t be a fucker,” at the recommendation of our Director of Marketing, in order to facilitate more… “palatable”… ad campaigns.)

Rule #2: Slow down and let’s ALL get where we’re going in one piece.
You might be immortal, but the rest of us on the road aren’t.

Thank you.

Namaste.