Saturday
Still haven’t been to sleep… but I am going soon.

Good day: Borders. Bowling. Breakfast. In that order.

Something came to mind yesterday, while I was getting ready for work. Unfortunately, I forgot about it last night when I wrote my post; but like a good boomerang, it came back to me. Bear with me, this is a little off the beaten track. (Note: After re-reading this, it seems that I may have listened to a touch too much Douglas Adams in the past few days. Hopefully, I have been able to express the following sentiment in a manner worthy of such comparison. However, if I have failed, the world will continue to turn and life will go on. But, watch out for passing Vogons, just in case…)

Deodorant. I’m sure that most everyone here has heard of it and, of that number, many have used it. Roll-on. Stick. Gel. Spray. Different forms, same task. Some may have even ventured into the realm of “Anti-Perspirant / Deodorant.” Well, bully for you! Cheers, even!

In getting ready for work on Friday, I had a revelation. No, not quite. It was more like the nagging suspicion that you had forgotten to do something that was bloody well important… and remembering what it was would set things in their proper order. The suspicion, which worked its way on to a feeling and then a memory was this: I had run out of deodorant on Thursday and had neglected to procure a new one on the way home that night.

There it was. No frantic waving of arms. No ticker-tape parades. It was there in full view. Unabashed. “Here, my Emperor, are your new clothes.” Right.

This left me in a bit of a spot: I needed to get dressed (we have this sticky little thing at work known as a “dress code”) and the clock was ticking. As I saw it, there were two options available:

  1. Go the virtual ‘commando’ route and go to work sans deodorant.
  2. Go into the other bathroom… and use Jess’ deodorant.

Decisions, decisions. Not much of a choice to make. And thus, I marched straightaway into the master bathroom, took up the goods, and began judicious application. Disaster averted, I could go to work secure in the knowledge that not only was I safe from offending my co-workers, but that I was protected by a product that was “strong enough for a man…” even if it was “…pH-balanced for a woman.” And out the door I went!

It wasn’t until I got to work that the ramifications of my actions became more apparent to me. It seems that not only was I being afforded the benefits of protection from odor, but – at no extra cost – I was always the beneficiary of a light floral scent! Joy of joys! How delightful! I first became aware of the aroma when it wafted past my nostrils after I had sat down at my workstation, adjusted it for comfort (which is something a little less than “perfect,” a little more than “There seems to be gravel in my shoe”), and had commenced working. Wonderful.

It was as this point that the formative stages of an odd question came to mind: If the purpose of “deodorant” is to keep one from being… well… odorous, why do deodorants have scents? Doesn’t that somewhat defeat the purpose in the first place? Granted, the product does its job be keeping you from emanating a foul aroma, but what makes it necessary for us to smell “Springtime Fresh” or “Powder Fresh” or, and this one REALLY makes no sense to me “Sports Scent.” Sports Scent?!? What great idiot thought this one up? And, even more to the point: Who was it that agreed to go along with marketing and production after hearing R&D Scientist Jones say “We have a revolutionary idea for the next deodordant scent. It’ll really blow you away. It’s… you’re going to love this…. ‘Sports Scent!’ ”

::: boggle :::

Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t ‘sports scent’ what we are trying to avoid? A person doesn’t want to sit at the dinner table with the spouse and children and go, “Oh, don’t mind that smell, it’s just me. I was just down at the club playing racquetball with George before coming home.” I don’t think that the family would take too kindly to that at all. So, rather than offend their delicate sensibilities, he stops in the locker room, takes a refreshing shower, and then, with all of the due reverence, pomp and circumstance…. he applies his favorite brand of “Sports Scent” deodorant! Mission accomplished, he dresses and heads home for a lovely pot roast and vegetables and genial chat with his family.

And so, I put forth to you the following: When you go to the store to pick up your next roller/spray/stick of deodorant, think about the absurdity that you might be picking up an item that will not only prevent you from giving off a foul odor… but it just may give you a new one, to boot!

Goodnight.